dinner and choco!

Food for today and tomorrow! Rice, egg, pork, and chinese sausages! Yum!

^^ i dunno what to make for the day after.. might fry fried rice i guess… but i dont have the ingredients.. ^^; o well, shall wait and see…

-ra out

reee, heh, heeeaaal, leeeeee… interesting…

<center>
<img src=”http://www.qaimlyn.com/padfootmk/Kenshin.jpg” border=”1″><br>
<a href=”http://www.geocities.com/padfootmk/rkquiz.html” target=”_blank”><font size=”-2″>Which Rurouni Kenshin Character Are You?</a><p>Test Created By <a href=”http://www.livejournal.com/users/oronoda”>oronoda</a></font></center>

really eh?

i never thought that i was a kenshin kinda character.. ^^: i am sure as hell not as self sacrificing as him… o well.. =.=

LMAO.. a WHAT festival!?

lol, hahaha, i wad randomly surfing the net for cosplay stuff and i came across this site. lmao… what the HECK is that festival about man!?

-ra out!

Freak of nutty nature.

that title has nth to do with my topic for today..

things to be icky or pissed over..

dad telling me about his probs

dad telling me about his sex life with my mom

dad telling me about his love life outside of marriage

mom complaining about dad

things other than that.

mom and dad wanna get a divorce.

lol, this is an interesting post.

major

have any of you read the major wiki page? sigh,

spoiler..

apparently goro quits baseball and decided to becoming a spectator! T_T sigh, sometimes i hate major because of this. but it is quite true that you cant always win. it is just that they dont just make him lost a small match. he loses a big match. like all the major stuff happens and he is at the losing end. and even though you know he is good. he just loses. like, he can be the best at pitching and everyone knows, but one moment it is an injury, the next it is just not good enough. i mean, sigh. i guess if major stopped at him winning and make it a tobecontinued or theylivehappilyeverafter kinda idea as the epilogue, it would be so much better. i mean the show still rocks socks. but all the sadness is just plain sad. i pity the fella. and i think him quitting baseball is probably good for him anyway. quit it and figure his life out. afterall, his mental shock seems to be a lasting effect. until he gets that fixed, he is just not going to be able to pitch. i would rather he stop than to take the disastrous path of naruto and just go on and on and go so far down hill that you cant even see the sky anymore.

—

aaawell, shall see how things turn out!

<g>

-ra out

bean bags and base balls!

hahaa, after the previous post, i decided to let lose and throw some balls. since i have no target or wall to throw against (the walls here are like paper) i set up my bean bag in the corner and started pitching into it with all my might. it is so fun! argh! cant stand it, i feel so relaxed now.

Hmmmm…. maybe that is why Goro always seem so happy pitching in Major.

shiok! good stress reliever! i recommend to everyone. haha

There are days like this, and there are days like this.

sigh

my mind is floating all over the place due to the lack of sleep , it is my fault for it anyway.

one moment i am so happy(cos the teacher liked what i did) and numb, the next i am trying not to think about being sad or about how sad my dad is.

freak la, being placed in such a shitty place where either way i still end up being sad. choose this one and then some one else sad then i will be sad. choose that one and they will be happy and i will be happy but then 1 mth later they will be sad or someone else will be sad.

god i hate being such a coward. but being the coward that i am, i don’t dare change. i will only stand up for what i believe is pointless or meaningless to me. ha. such a pathetic person i am.

and there are moments like these where you want to fall into a deep sleep of nothingness. just let it all disappear without knowing a thing. not being able to know anything. a dreamless sleep. i dont even dare ask for a dream. i am scared that an eternal dream would just turn into an eternal nightmare and this reapeated non stop.

a dream that turns into a nightmare and the nightmare no longer being scary afterawhile and you go back to dreaming and then it comes back to haunt you and you are having a nightmare again. an eternity of that would be like life on earth.

a dreamless slumber.

i wonder how that would look like.

if i were to do a design of that. i wonder what can represent it?

i feel that it is warm yet cooling enough, you are able to keep warm when it is cold and cold when it is warm. but you dont really exist. it is just a feeling. like a thought. a nerve. and i would have it be a black square surrounds you. yet for some reason it is bright enough for you to know that it is black. not a knowing but rather another thought. this is black. this is warmth. everything spelt out.

—

i find it weird.

how i can work so hard(not effort wise but heart wise) on a piece of assignment just to prove that you can do it.

then you dont get a chance to actually let it get graded. yet i dont feel anything? not dissapointed. just happy that while not graded it was acknowledge as being nice/good. And then i realise that while it mattered. it was so stupid. everyone’s work was nice if not good. and that just made me feel, oh what the heck.

i dont even resent the fact that i all my mind into creating the work.

i tried so hard and now i know why. cos i know that i had to stop being a coward – by force. yet, i chose something that is not important enough to me to make me feel angry or anything.

Or is it because i put so much effort into it that i dont care what others think except myself?

It is still pointless. The whole testing and courage shit was crap if that was the case. no use if i all i cared about when i did the work was what i thought of it.  I feel like even if i fail it, i would not be pissed. Because i like what i did.

it is funny how some things can work in such a weird way sometimes.

i realise that i cant seem to click with the people in my class.

maybe i was never meant to be studying arts. just because i love it does not mean that i am it.

i am a coward who don’t dare try new things. i don’t dare talk to the freaking teacher unless i am in love with my work man. which is so full of crap.

the only time i will actually show the teacher my work is if i have 100percent confidence behind all the effort and the idea. if i feel like there is no way she would hate it, even if she finds it just so so.

i remember during the first assigment back in college during trimester 2, the teacher ask us to do a 20 page developmental work. LOL. he like the attention that i paid to the work, but he said that it was border lining  obsessiveness. the way i tweak small things.

and the biggest contradiciton? i dont care about hte out come of the work.. like when i was doing the square thing, i just anyhow did hte square, let it overlap (eventhough my idea was not to let it overlap) and it was so funny because i would start tweaking it non top. just in that night before i slept, i opened and closed photoshop 5 times. i kept it open for a period of time, tweaking here and tehre, and i did not close it until i thought that i was going to go to sleep. but i could not. i think of something that needs to be changed. a new idea, a new section or smth, and i wake up to tweak that mini thing. i just ignore the rest of the shit. but i tweak it so that it becomes so many crap in one thing.

conclusion of this post? i need a psychiatrist to talk to. maybe we can come to some sort of agreement about how there is nothing to agree to or disagree about.

-ra out…

what my b’day means… hmm

November 11, 1987

Lucky Color:	Maroon
Personality Strengths:	Love, Longevity
Personality Weakness(es):	Obsession
Successful Career Path:	Academia
Sense of Humor Style:	Dry
Adjectives to Describe You:	powerful, strong
Also born on November 11:
Description: Impulsive and unpredictable – you are awesome to be around as no one knows what exactly to expect! You keep your friends guessing and entertained with your unique perspective on everything around you! Different in every sense of the word, you are widely loved and respected

well, this is what it is suppose to mean… lol… i wonder how true it is.